Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
