Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
