all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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