Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
