I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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