he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
