Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
