Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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