i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
