maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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