it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
