Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
