I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
