she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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