We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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