i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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