i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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