Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
