I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
