Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
