I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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