I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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