Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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