Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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