then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize