When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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