is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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