my being single is dangerous.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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