You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
