I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
