Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
