I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
