glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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