the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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