i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
