you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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