you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
