If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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