I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
