i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
