he shaved USA in his pubs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
