Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
