dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
