can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
