pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
