I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
