my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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