just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
