Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
