dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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