i will never coherently bang her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
