there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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