Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
