smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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