I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
