My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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