So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
