Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
cat food counts as protein by the way
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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