are you so shy because you have an std?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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