we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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