I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
