I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
