Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
