Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize