You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize