Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
